There are not that many things that make me want to double over and vomit, and I'm pretty sure I've seen the worst the internet has to offer. But one thing that really, really makes me queasy is the thought of pulling off a fucking toenail. Jesus wept.
Hercules Beefcake is forever hurting himself (example here). True to form, he did it again a few weeks ago -- apparently kicking something so hard that his toenail, after bending backwards, 'died.' I'm not sure I understand the science here, but it's enough to make me ingest my own testicles. But it gets worse; as he pulled off his sock the other day it snagged and ripped most of it out. Here, in an awful effort to boost this site's stats, is the video.
Has this shit gone viral yet? Why do my videos never go viral?
Monday
Tuesday
Zezaurian online dating secures zero responses
Poor old Drib Drab. He was never very good with women.
If you're single and would like a date with DD, send saucy pictures of yourself to young.hentaiprincess102@snotmail.com
If you're single and would like a date with DD, send saucy pictures of yourself to young.hentaiprincess102@snotmail.com
Monday
Zezaurian summer in 12 shit pictures
Behold! a bunch of terrible pictures we took during our summer holiday. I think my favourite incident this summer was watching an old lady fall out of the back of a car, but I didn't have my camera with me so you'll just have to close your eyes and laugh at that one using your Mind's Eye.
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Please, could you get any more pathetic? "Oooh, I'm so old and tired! Oooh, won't you give me a help up?" You should be on fire. |
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| I'm 30 in a few weeks and one thing I've noticed about getting old is that you care a lot less about your outfit and a lot more about making things easier for yourself. I like having my camera on my belt; it's practical. |
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I like how Wess has his big fat Ph.D., but Bill, still living with his mother, just has 42 regrettable years accumulating dork knowledge and a chronic addition to hentai. |
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| Nice shoes, dickface. Do they make them for men? |
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| This is what happens when you get old; your skin falls off and you do really lame things, like write a blog about it. |
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| On further consideration, you do look about fifteen -- which I'm not sure is good or bad. |
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Nice. Eight old people had to die just so you could sit down. |
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| It was still better than 'Avatar'. |
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| I think the best part of this is that he's not even high. |
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| There is something immensely satisfying about pissing on to someone else's turd. It's the way you can break it apart and make it roll in the water like a dying whale. I think it harks back to our hunting days or something. |
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| Hitting women always turns out amazing in photos. |
Sunday
Abortion Clinic: the best band that never existed
A few years ago I started a scream-core band called Abortion Clinic, which is the best name for any band ever. Try now to think of a better name. You can't, partly because you're a dolt, but mostly because it's unbeatable. Unfortunately I can't play any instruments, so we didn't even get to the practice stage, but I did just stumble upon some sample lyrics I had stored in my 'awful and embarrassing ideas' folder. Here, immortalised forever on a blog that three people read, the political venom of the greatest band to never have existed.
Untitled
Blood on your thighs
Lies lies lies.
A pain in your cunt
But what do you want?
Vacuum it out!
Vacuum it out!
Twisting metal of destruction
Crushing bones of hate
Three weeks with no bleeding
Your period was too late
Now you have
Blood on your thighs
Lies lies lies
Blood on your thighs
Lies lies lies
Forceps of evil
Clamp open your womb
Of death!
Of death!
Of Death!
Mutant Twins of pain
Rip open your womb
Fists punch through into light
Put up the fight!
Blood on your thighs
Lies lies lies
Blood on your thighs
Lies lies lies
===
I know. I'm wasted working in retail.
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