Zezaurian Music Dept. 2008 Analysis

As the title suggests, I have decided to dissect some of the 'best' albums of 2008 as chosen by those supposedly in the know (professional music critics etc.), because I'm far more astute and knowledgeable on such things than those trend-following bottom-feeders. I compiled my list from some popular publications and the most reoccurring records got a place. I haven't necessarily listened to them all but that's not important. Right, here's the list (in no particular order):

Dear Science by TV On The Radio

This overrated piece of junk was on all the best-of lists but I don't hear the attraction. Sounds like a bunch of gay drama students wanking. Dross.

Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes

Another universally praised pile of tripe. Imagine the Beach Boys (if the Beach Boys were utterly talentless gimps). Hippy drivel.

Only By The Night by Kings of Leon

Bloated, uninspired, witless, U2-sounding, radio-friendly gloop.

Viva La Vida by Coldplay

The latest offering from the most boring band in the universe. About as enjoyable as having your bell-end vigourously rubbed by a man with a cheese grater.

Tell Tale Signs: The Bootleg Series Vol. 8 by Bob Dylan

Is this guy still alive? Sounds like my grandpa talking in his sleep while accompanied by a monkey with leprosy playing an out of tune guitar with three strings.

The Seldom Seen Kid by Elbow

I've always suffered chronically with insomnia; I tried every sleep inducing product on the market and all the relaxation techniques you could shake a stick at to remedy my torturous condition, achieving very little success and resigning myself to a life of wakeful misery with no respite. That was until I slid this shiny coffee coaster into my stereo. Flipping hell! It should come with a warning: 'Do not operate heavy machinery while listening to this music'.

For Emma Forever Ago by Bon Iver

The man who made this record was clearly wronged by a woman, then duly turned into one. What a baby! I haven't heard this much melodramatic moaning since I visited the Wailing Wall. This punter needs to man up a bit.

Third by Portishead

I quite enjoyed this one. It's sort of like the musical equivalent of having a nervous breakdown after you finally realise there's no hope and life is completely and utterly futile. 5 stars.

There's a lot more on my list but I can't be bothered to endure anymore so I'll wrap it up. I'm aware that I paint a bleak portrait of the modern musical landscape, but have no fear, Propagandhi have a new album out soon. I'm now going to listen to some trad-jazz and try to forget about this vile century.