Special report: Mexico

...And by "special" I mean "special", like a spaz. As in; "spedchialll."

Spedchialll dog eye

Just look at that fucking eyeball. This picture was taken in my beachside kitchen and the malignant blob actually leaked on the floor as I was eating dinner. I have not eaten anything made with plum tomatoes since.

 

Quite impressed Picasa's anti-red eye function picked this up though.

Spedchialll words

I found this in the local paper beneath a picture of a girl sunbathing with her top off. I don't think the girl had any idea that the "bi-lingual" editor had commissioned this discreet photoshoot. Still, I felt like I learned a thing or two after reading that.

Spedchialll bum wipes

I think the cleaner was hankering for a tip. Quite impressive really. Not as impressive as what the bogs in Mexico do with your turds though. It's strange, I think how a society deals with its poos tells you something about its people. For instance, here, in England we have quite small toilet bowls with very little water at the bottom. This means a) your poo only shows its head with its long body half-way round the U-bend and b) after you've done your poo, wiped your anus and covered the brown mess with toilet paper you can't even see the turd. THIS IS BAD. It means we, the English people, are ashamed of being human.

It's very different in Mexico though. These people are PROUD of their turds.

Firstly, they have so much water in the bowl of the toilet that you practically dip your balls in it when you sit down. And, as you are not allowed to put toilet paper in the bowl, when you stand up to flush you are confronted with a huge brown coil of shit languishing up at the brim, like "Hi ya! It's Meeeeee! Timothy Turd!"

The best part is when you flush though. At first the water doesn't really do anything, as if the poo is just getting ready for its big song and dance exit. Then it starts to slowly spin around, gently gaining momentum and after a short while you're actually hypnotised by its sensual water dance. Then Glusghghhg! It's gone. Just like that it gets sucked away at supersonic speeds. It's like the curtain suddenly falling on the most thrilling show on earth, leaving you breathless with wonder.

That is how you should say good-bye to a shit.