A Zezaurian guide to making a crap birthday present slightly less crap

My dad is literally the hardest person in the solar system to buy a gift for. He has a few hobbies, such as beekeeping and hiding in his shed doing goodness-knows-what. But, at 61 years old, with reasonable wealth, what more do you need? You already own everything you want to own, such as those drill heads and that Expert Guide to Falling Asleep During Any Film. I scoured the internet for weeks trying to find him something. But Nothing. Out of all the millions and millions of things you can buy, he doesn’t need any of it.

So, in a panic, I just got him some beers for his birthday, which felt like a safe bet. But that’s pretty boring and makes me, the “creative and thoughtful” eldest child, look a bit like an uncaring and uncreative shit head.

Assuming you’re reading this whilst nodding your head, thinking; yes, my dad is also a pain in the ass when it comes to gifts, try this alternative approach: make the fucker work for it. Do you know how much time I wasted looking for something for you on the internet? That was Drib Drab's internet porn time, buster. So I buried my boring beer gift in the woods -- got the coordinates for the tree I planted them under and drew him a map. It's a punishment for being so difficult.

Using his dorky GPS gizmo, off he goes. Puff puff, pant pant.

That’s it Steve. You’re welcome. What’s that? You wanted to spend your afternoon watching the DVD Box Set of The Pacific – the one thoughtful gift someone got you after working out what you’d actually like for your birthday? Ooops. 

I should’ve filled it with IOUs. Man, that would've been way more hilarious. Happy Birthday, you old fart dearest father.

Love from Drib Drab. xxx

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