Politics yeah!

Heh heh. Jellyfish man certainly got me all hard.

£1.65

I hate these cunts. So, the most cost effective option for me is to...to..? Wait. OK; I'll post it to Mexico and get it there. Wait, wait. I'll just pick it up on the door. Woah -- hold on. What was I thinking? I'll just post it to my mum's house in Peterborough. No, no. I'll print it out at home, using my own ink and paper. Right. I'll go with that one then. Thanks.

Chinese Love

A small excerpt from the latest piece of correspondence received from Professor Peelhead, who is presently seeking his fortune in China…

what is my news, well in my desperation of not having a girlfriend I decided to go with a prostitute, so off i went on my bicycle in search of love for money, down the alleys and back alleys i went, spotting mimgers left and right, then i saw one i thought was not too bad, for the grand sum of three pounds i stripped off into my finest, she then proceeded to snot on my shoes, she fired a bogey-flob out of her nose from a standing position onto the floor in the direction of my shoes - I daren't think or check, it put me off my game completely, after the rise and fall in an anti-climatic failure, and three pounds lighter I looked for further ado, I found , I negotiated, I was ready, this one , not to be outdone, told me to go over to the bed, then proceeded to take a piss in a kitchen bowl, which she put on a shelf , and then proceeded, for seven pounds i got a floppy f-ck and a wank, but look on the bright side - we all had a cheap evenings entertainment, actually it wasn't cheap, when i got home i found i had lost 20 quid, which in my little dumpling restaurant is 66 portions of bloody dumplings.

"It's the best thing to do"

A conversation with the wonderful Hercules Beefcake...

From: Thomas
Sent: 01 April 2010 09:29
To: David 
Subject:
 
So it looks like someone forgot to extend my contract. Couldn't get into the building today and there's no one in to add me to the system. Looks like I might not get paid today or until it's sorted. Typical.

From: David
Sent: 01 April 2010 10:03
To: Thomas
Subject: RE:
 
Dude, that sucks. You still looking for a new job?

Listen, Madame came over for a reason last night… this is sort of mind numbing, but she’s pregnant and probably won’t keep it. I’m not gonna come out tonight and will leave work at lunch time.

From: Thomas
Sent: 01 April 2010 10:07
To: David 
Subject: RE:

You're kidding me? I assumed you were still bagging up to keep it safe?

From: David
Sent: 01 April 2010 10:09
To: Thomas
Subject: RE:

I know, but we did it, drunkenly without one like ONCE, what seems like forever ago. She was actually ok about it. I don’t really know how I feel about it to be honest.

From: Thomas
Sent: 01 April 2010 10:13
To: David 
Subject: RE:

At least you know it works.

Dude she seemed pretty calm when she was talking to us last night. I guess it's different for both of you. I mean, she's still young and not long out of uni and getting a career going whereas you're almost 30 and have mentioned kids before. Think it's the best thing to do though.

From: David
Sent: 01 April 2010 10:16
To: Thomas
Subject: RE:

April Fools, you donkey.