You can't poop in the sea: The Zezaurian Society Astronomy Expedition 2008

August 25-29 2008 saw the Zezaurian Astronomy Club head out to the light pollution-free skies of Norfolk for the First Annual Zezaurian Astronomy Expedition. It rocked. William and I refused to wash in the showers provided at Manor Farm, instead, hungover and weary, we ran* each morning to the beach to swim in the sea. Heck, that water reduced our testicles to little baby conkers, and we spent the entire expedition smelling of dried crab, but we learned some valuable lessons: firstly, London water is designed to prop-up sales of face moisturiser, and secondly, it's next to impossible to poop in cold salt water. It just refuses to come out, even with gentle coaxing.

However, the evening sky presented perhaps the best star field available in England so we were in for a real Tea Party. Jupiter is incredibly bright at the moment and you can even make out its moons with just a pair of binoculars. Fortunately, we had the Zezaurian (Russian made) Newtonian Reflector Telescope and we got a good eye-full of those swirly storms they seem to always have up there. Impressive as ever. After that we just pointed the telescope upwards and started talking like a couple of hippies about the nature of time, gravitational singularities and why on earth we were single.

Too bad I forgot all my star charts. I was pretty useless at spotting anything else and putting a name to it, but we did get accused of working for the Russian Army by a moustached doink that couldn't understand why the stars above us were moving around. Having explained that the earth was constantly spinning he walked off to tell his son, this weird Colin kid, to stop carrying bricks around like they were babies.

After that I regretted not having taken acid so we went to the pub and got smashed on Guinness.

*We drove.

Email us at if you would like to become a member of the Zezaurian Astronomy Club. You only need eyeballs to join.

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